12 August, 2008

BAP - The Experience

Finally here I am trying to make sense of all that happened in the last week.
On Friday the recommendations should be sent out from Church House to the Bishops. From there, I’ll have to rely on the efficiency of the Lord Bishop of London in write me a letter.
The advisers wrote a report about each one of us after the BAP and that should come with the recommendation to the bishops and DDOs. I am really looking forward to read it.
As I have told to a few friends and the Rector, my gut feelings tell me that I won’t be recommended for training this time. This is one of those feelings that come from knowing all the areas that need to develop and nurture in the years to come: leadership, personality etc...

The BAP has been an amazing experience. I loathe the word ‘amazing’ with a passion, but I can’t see any other way to describe what happened.
All the 16 of us there were ready to be grilled (not unlikely to way St Laurence was!), but all our fears quickly vanished. The Senior Adviser and the Panel Secretary gave a warm welcome to everyone in the opening session and tried to ease us in the hectic schedule of the BAP.
I shortened my presentation during the night as it would have been longer than 5 minutes and I confess I might have mucked up the group discussion after it as I really didn’t know what one of the guys was going on about. Grr!

I think I didn’t mess up the interviews. The one that struck me most was the one with the Pastoral Adviser. I honestly felt naked in front of that woman. I felt as she could see right through me. That was good, but I was emotionally drained when I came out.
The interview with the Vocational Adviser was enjoyable and Canon Peacock highlighted some of my strengths giving me a lot to think. He said that my strength lies in my spirituality. That is true, but it also gives me the moral duty of cultivate it in order to let it energise my whole being and ministry. Am I able to do that? Am I willing to be more faithful in prayer?

Writing the pastoral exercise I followed the guidelines to the letter. I was myself. There is nothing in the letter I presented that I would write differently. This is one of the crucial points of the Bishop’s Advisory Panel. BE YOURSELF! The advisers and the secretary stress a lot on this and I can understand why.

On Tuesday evening we had evensong following the BCP. Mrs Walsh gave a beautiful address that started off a few of us with tears. Even worse when we all joined in to loudly sing ‘O Thou Who Camest from Above’!! By the end of the service I guess 20 out of 23 in the chapel were crying.

I feel truly blessed for this priceless experience. I can’t even put down in words what I feel.

No comments: